Wishful Shrinking - Operation "Nobelly Prize"

I am fat.

No, I'm not self loathing or looking for compliments

..."Oh Meghan, you're not fat"...

It's the truth...I have lots of unwanted blubber. 

Isn't that the first step to recovery? Admitting you have a problem? Next step...FIX IT!

It sucks looking back at my beautiful wedding pictures and then in the mirror now. It looks like I've jabbed an air hose in my bellybutton and inflated to size "Giant". 

August 2010 - 165lbs                           January 2013 - 245 (ish)

(I should probably be super embarssed to post my fat picture and actual weight but, I'm not. Why? Even if I didn't tell you my weight, you'd still see me and know that I was a chunky monkey.)

Weighing a mere 165 lbs for my wedding, I thought I was overweight then... yeah right! My new goal weight? 160 lbs

Now on my 3rd week of diet and exercise, I only have 60 more pounds to go!

My Plan:
1. Watch what I eat. I am following Weight Watchers Plus Points program and loving it.
2. Get up off that couch and move. Hit the gym once a week and 3x week play Dance Central. The reason I chose to play DC instead of a workout dvd is because I HATE workout dvds. They are SOOO boring! Dance Central is at least entertaining and challenging.

Stats (so far):

August 2010: 165 lbs
April 2012: 198 lbs (33lb weight gain- yikes!)
January 2013: 245lbs (gave birth and lost 18 lbs)

Starting Weight for Operation "Nobelly Prize": 227

Week 1: -3 lb (224 lbs)
Week 2: -4 lb (220 lbs)

I've got a long road ahead of me but, with determination and accountability (posting on my blog), I know I can do it. 

For those who don't know, I am a huge Excel nerd. I have spreadsheets for everything. Well, on my fitness tracker I discovered that it will take me until Sept 21st (losing 2lbs per week) to reach my goal. Talking to my dad, I stated that September was such a long time away. His response is what keeps me on track. He told me that September was going to come whether or not I lost weight. Deep, right? September may seem far away but, the time is going to pass no matter what- I might as well be productive and do something great with that time. 

I am my own fairy godmother to make my wishful shrinking come true.

a Month of Dean

February 22, 2013

This last month has been a giant roller coaster of fun! Motherhood has been a blast so far. I can't believe how darn lucky Calin and I are to be the parents of the cutest baby ever :)

I am so in love with my baby boy. This last month has gone by SO fast. I'm just getting the swing of things. It has been a challenge to figure out baby schedule and how to continue life. Even just the simplest tasks like brushing my teeth and combing my hair seemed like giant boulders. Now we are figuring out how to live life with a brand new baby.

It feels good to feel like a person again. All it takes is a little mascara, trip to the grocery store and time to write a blog post. Here are a few cute pics to sum up the last month with my lil' man...

Our Sweet Turtle

Momma & Baby

Getting ready for bed

Bath time

One Month Old

the Truth about Breastfeeding

Although this post my seem a bit personal, I hope that someone somewhere reads this and feels better about their situation. Sometimes breastfeeding isn't for everyone...

Breastfeeding my child was the plan from the very beginning. I read books, went to classes and talked to other mothers. I was educated and ready! Besides the health benefits, I was looking forward to bonding with my child through breastfeeding.

After Dean was born, I learned the hard way the breastfeeding is not for everyone.

The first day Dean was born, I breastfed my sweet boy. He had troubles latching onto one side so we worked off of only one. The hospital sent in 2 different lactation specialists to try to help him latch. With no luck, the next option was to at least pump on the non-latch side (to keep me from going lopsided and to supplement Dean's hunger).

The second day in the hospital I started having horrible headaches. I'd never had headaches this intense so it worried me. After telling my nurse, who then talked to my doctor, the anesthesiologist came in for a consultation. Long story short, I had a spinal headache. During the epidural, the tube that holds all my spinal fluid was punctured resulting in the loss of all that precious spinal fluid.

With my headaches so bad, I could only breastfeed for 5 minutes at a time. I had to lay flat on my back (that was the only position that helped the headaches). To fix the headaches, they gave me a blood patch. It is basically like an epidural but instead of an injection of meds, they took a bunch of blood from my arm and inserted into my back-OUCH!

Well, the blood patch lasted for a day then the headaches came back. My options were to have the blood patch again OR wait it out. I decided to wait it out.

The first week at home was awful. I needed to breastfeed my baby but, I couldn't sit up for extended periods of time.

While the headaches were a stumbling block the worst part was the nipple. My sweet baby was such a good sucker and he only had one boob to feed off of. Soon, I was cracked, bleeding and I cried everytime I fed him.

With the new stress of being a mom, headaches and feeding off of one boob. He wasn't getting enough to eat. Something had to change.

Week 2 I started to pump. That worked for a while until I wasn't producing enough milk. I tried everything... skin to skin, pumping more often, herbs and a disgusting tea called Mother's Milk. Soon I had to introduce formula into his diet.

Having to formula feed my baby made me feel like an awful mother. I wasn't providing for my son the way I wanted to.

Now, we are only formula feeding because I dried up. I'm still trying to convince myself that breastfeeding isn't for everyone. I have a lot of support in my life helping me with this detour. Calin has been the biggest support. Dean my not be breastfeeding but, he is a healthy growing baby boy.

a Birth story

January 21, 2013

Induction day!

Zero nerves until 15 minutes to departure time.

I gave Bubba Bruce one last hug and kiss...laughing and crying at the same time.

8:20pm ~ arrive at U of U hospital

8:45pm ~ hospital gown, IV & ready for take off

9:31pm ~ induction officially started

4 hours later...

1:31am ~ dilated to a 3 & meds added to IV to get things going

got some sleep...

5:16am ~ got an epidural--ah relief!

5:45am ~ 7 centimeters

6:59am ~ paging Dr. Sok

7:30am ~ started pushing

8:29am ~ baby Dean arrives

So, you know how in movies the lady gets an epidural and then sneezes out her child...? Well, that is NOT how it happens. I was embarrassed the second Dean was born when I realized I had been screaming, "I CAN'T DO THIS!"

Standing next to me, was my biggest support system. Calin stayed calm through the entire delivery. Every time I would scream that I couldn't do this, he was the first to say, "Yes you can!" I remember looking at him just before Dean popped out and thinking, "wow, he is going to be a great dad" (and he is).

Holding my little man for the first time was beautiful. His tiny hands, bigfoot feet & button nose stole my heart. Instantly I was Mom.

While I'm still learning what being Mom really means, I am loving every sleepless second of it! Welcome to our family Dean Calin Hess. I love you now and forever.

First Picture taken

Daddy and Dean meeting

and Baby makes three

capturing the few moments he actually slept our first night

tiny hand

all bundled up and ready to come home

Fun story: the night we came home from the hospital was the same night as the ice storm. It wasn't too bad until 2 streets away from our house. Our car struggled inch by inch to make it up to David Blvd with only one street to go, we started up and the car slide back down. I was in the back seat crying (of course...) Such a traumatic way to come home, right?

We ended up having to leave our car and my mom came and got us in her 4-Wheel Drive car :)