Just STOP!

As a mother, wife, sister, daughter, miamaid adviser, responsible member of society, etc. I am easily caught up in my continuously expanding checklist. Easily forgetting all the wonderful miracles and blessings surrounding me. A few nights ago I was reminded how precious my baby girl is.

I was at a young women mutual activity when another leader asked to hold Lucy. As I watched her play and talk to Lu, I overheard her ask Lucy to tell her about heaven. After all, it was only three short months ago that Lucy was living there. Aside from attending the temple, Lucy is the closest I can get to heaven on a daily basis. A perfect and precious piece of heaven. It won't be too long before she forgets all about her former home. I need to take time everyday to stop. Stop and silently watch my little angel. She knows it all but just can't tell me about it. I guess I'll have to settle for her adorable coos and mischievous grins.

I am grateful for simple reminders from great examples in my life. I feel incredibly blessed. Sometimes it is difficult to see the blessings through all the trials so stopping is essential. Stop and reflect on what you are doing and what you can do better. I need to regularly put down the phone, get off Instagram, forget about the newly added episodes of Gilmore Girls on Netflix and just STOP! Even though Lucy can't talk yet, stopping to "listen" to her is my favorite time of day. For a few short minutes before Dean wakes up, I get to be with one of heaven's most recent tenants.

a Wink & a Smile

August 25, 2014

If the saying, 

"You Are What You Eat"

 is true... that must mean 

"You Are Who You Hang Out With"

is also true, right?

I believe it is. 

For the last couple of weeks, I have been a 

whiny

sad

stinky

crying

unhappy 

BABY

Lucy has reflux & is simply an unhappy baby. She wasn't always unhappy. She didn't always cry. The first 4 weeks were great. They were tiresome & filled with trial and error but we were all happy. After week four, something switched. Was the change in Lucy? or Mom? Either way we have both been struggling for 3 weeks. 

At night Lucy cries for hours. Nothing seems to help. Less layers, more layers, burping, fresh diaper, more food, less food, swaddled, un-swaddled...

I've tried everything. 

Now at night we both cry together. It is a terrible cycle. I don't know what to do for my crying baby and Calin doesn't know what to do for his crying baby (me). 

I keep hearing, "it will get better"

I'm not interested in hearing that phrase

ONE MORE TIME

unless it actually does get better... immediately!

Though all the hours of tears & screaming leave me deaf and exhausted,

today she smiled. 

Like a magic button, my frustration disappeared. My reset button was pressed.

She was happy so I was happy. I of course cried but these were tears of happiness.

This is the first time I've seen her big eyes crinkle into a smile and her mouth turn upwards.

A glimmer of hope.

One smile made me forget the last 21 days of frowns.

So, no matter what kind of day you're having, SMILE! It may erase someone else's bad day (or month). 

A Little Late Maternity

Well, baby girl decided to make a grand entrance 19 days early. We took family/maternity pictures a few days before she was born. I didn't even have time to post them. It now seems sort of silly to post the maternity pics now that Little Lucy is here but my sister took some really awesome pictures so I must share them :)

A Birthday Celebration

 January 22, 2013
First Birthday

Woke up Dean by throwing balloons into his crib and singing "Happy Birthday"! He loved it :)

Dean loved walking back and forth through the streamers. I kept them up for a week and surprisingly he never pulled them down.

A turtle cake for my Turtle :)

His super awesome fort Grandma Lisa made for him

Dean was a very dainty cake eater.

 After he finished his piece of birthday cake, he ran around the kitchen and front room yelling with his hands on his face...Home Alone style. Crazy sugar high!

The dogs were more than willing to clean up the mess

 On Dean's 1 year doctor visit, his doc was concerned about his left hip. While examining Dean, we could hear/feel a pop in his hip. So, we got to go to the hospital for an x-ray. What a fun birthday, right?

Since I am prego, I had to sit in the hallway while Calin helped the x-ray techs. Dean was such a trooper. He was his normal happy self.

Here is his cute little x-ray hanging on my fridge :) 

Look at those cute chubby leg rolls!

The doctor called the next day and all was well. Nothing of significance to report, yay!

I am still in shock that it has been one full year since Dean joined our family.

I am so grateful for his energetic, happy, goofy personality that makes everyday worth while. We never have a dull moment and I wouldn't change a thing. 

I am so proud of him and all he has accomplished so far in his one year.

Dean is going to be one amazing big brother!

I love you Turtle!

Take Two.

Whelp, we're at it again... Baby number two is on its way!

Our plan was to wait until after Dean turned 1 in January but I guess plans sometimes change :)

due July 20, 2014

November 22, 2013
I was more than a week late so I decided to take a test. Opening the brand new EPT box, I grabbed the first test and went to work. The little hour glass quickly turned into a book symbol... A book? What the? Apparently "book" means error. I decided I'd just wait until the next morning to take the second test.

I sent Calin a picture of the book test and he was disappointed. He wanted to know if I was pregnant too. He even thought I was just messing with him.

Well, being the impatient person I am, the next time I needed to relieve myself I grabbed the second pregnancy test. This time I was much more careful because I didn't want another stupid book to appear. Three LONG minutes later, Dean and I went back into the bathroom and saw the words "Pregnant"! Yipee! We danced around and took a few pictures.

I didn't tell Calin that I took the second test. I taped the positive test to the mirror in the bathroom. When Calin got home from work we hung out in Dean's room playing with him and just before we went out to eat Calin went into the bathroom. After shutting the door I heard, "YOU LIAR!!!" 

Technically I didn't lie, right?
I just didn't tell him about the second test :)

I think Calin was too shocked at first to be completely happy. He wasn't worried about money or more diaper changes. He was worried about my pregnancy. It was then I realized how truly awful my pregnancy with Dean was. This time around, I'd need to suffer through it all while taking care of Dean. This is going to be quite the adventure. 

We are so excited to add another little ball of energy to our family!

update:
January 18, 2014
14 weeks in and we're holding on strong. I take naps when Dean does, Calin changes all the poopy diapers when he's home and I've got my beautiful miracle nausea pills. I'm looking forward to a less fatigued and more active second trimester!

the Truth about Breastfeeding

Although this post my seem a bit personal, I hope that someone somewhere reads this and feels better about their situation. Sometimes breastfeeding isn't for everyone...

Breastfeeding my child was the plan from the very beginning. I read books, went to classes and talked to other mothers. I was educated and ready! Besides the health benefits, I was looking forward to bonding with my child through breastfeeding.

After Dean was born, I learned the hard way the breastfeeding is not for everyone.

The first day Dean was born, I breastfed my sweet boy. He had troubles latching onto one side so we worked off of only one. The hospital sent in 2 different lactation specialists to try to help him latch. With no luck, the next option was to at least pump on the non-latch side (to keep me from going lopsided and to supplement Dean's hunger).

The second day in the hospital I started having horrible headaches. I'd never had headaches this intense so it worried me. After telling my nurse, who then talked to my doctor, the anesthesiologist came in for a consultation. Long story short, I had a spinal headache. During the epidural, the tube that holds all my spinal fluid was punctured resulting in the loss of all that precious spinal fluid.

With my headaches so bad, I could only breastfeed for 5 minutes at a time. I had to lay flat on my back (that was the only position that helped the headaches). To fix the headaches, they gave me a blood patch. It is basically like an epidural but instead of an injection of meds, they took a bunch of blood from my arm and inserted into my back-OUCH!

Well, the blood patch lasted for a day then the headaches came back. My options were to have the blood patch again OR wait it out. I decided to wait it out.

The first week at home was awful. I needed to breastfeed my baby but, I couldn't sit up for extended periods of time.

While the headaches were a stumbling block the worst part was the nipple. My sweet baby was such a good sucker and he only had one boob to feed off of. Soon, I was cracked, bleeding and I cried everytime I fed him.

With the new stress of being a mom, headaches and feeding off of one boob. He wasn't getting enough to eat. Something had to change.

Week 2 I started to pump. That worked for a while until I wasn't producing enough milk. I tried everything... skin to skin, pumping more often, herbs and a disgusting tea called Mother's Milk. Soon I had to introduce formula into his diet.

Having to formula feed my baby made me feel like an awful mother. I wasn't providing for my son the way I wanted to.

Now, we are only formula feeding because I dried up. I'm still trying to convince myself that breastfeeding isn't for everyone. I have a lot of support in my life helping me with this detour. Calin has been the biggest support. Dean my not be breastfeeding but, he is a healthy growing baby boy.

a Birth story

January 21, 2013

Induction day!

Zero nerves until 15 minutes to departure time.

I gave Bubba Bruce one last hug and kiss...laughing and crying at the same time.

8:20pm ~ arrive at U of U hospital

8:45pm ~ hospital gown, IV & ready for take off

9:31pm ~ induction officially started

4 hours later...

1:31am ~ dilated to a 3 & meds added to IV to get things going

got some sleep...

5:16am ~ got an epidural--ah relief!

5:45am ~ 7 centimeters

6:59am ~ paging Dr. Sok

7:30am ~ started pushing

8:29am ~ baby Dean arrives

So, you know how in movies the lady gets an epidural and then sneezes out her child...? Well, that is NOT how it happens. I was embarrassed the second Dean was born when I realized I had been screaming, "I CAN'T DO THIS!"

Standing next to me, was my biggest support system. Calin stayed calm through the entire delivery. Every time I would scream that I couldn't do this, he was the first to say, "Yes you can!" I remember looking at him just before Dean popped out and thinking, "wow, he is going to be a great dad" (and he is).

Holding my little man for the first time was beautiful. His tiny hands, bigfoot feet & button nose stole my heart. Instantly I was Mom.

While I'm still learning what being Mom really means, I am loving every sleepless second of it! Welcome to our family Dean Calin Hess. I love you now and forever.

First Picture taken

Daddy and Dean meeting

and Baby makes three

capturing the few moments he actually slept our first night

tiny hand

all bundled up and ready to come home

Fun story: the night we came home from the hospital was the same night as the ice storm. It wasn't too bad until 2 streets away from our house. Our car struggled inch by inch to make it up to David Blvd with only one street to go, we started up and the car slide back down. I was in the back seat crying (of course...) Such a traumatic way to come home, right?

We ended up having to leave our car and my mom came and got us in her 4-Wheel Drive car :)

DIY: Turtle Mobile

January 18, 2013

While searching for baby's mobile, I never found anything I liked...

I saw a cute mobile made of felt animals on Pinterest and decided, "I can do that too!"

Obviously I chose Turtles and went to work.

Using the same fabric from Dean's crib quilt I:

1. Sketched my turtle on paper.

2. Traced the paper on 4 different solid colors (double sided

3. Sketched shell on paper

4. Traced shell on 4 patterned fabrics

5. Pinned shells on turtles & hand sewed a shell on each side of the solid turtles

6. Sewed the two turtle pieces together (by hand)

7. Stuffed each turtle with batting

8. Thread clear fishing wire and tie to mobile top.

(I found the top at the D.I--local thrift store--. I'm not sure what it's original purpose was but, it works just dandy for my mobile)

(Quilt)

Week 37

December 28, 2012

Picture taken at the very cold and windy Salt Flats on our way to Wendover

This week has been crazy! Calin & I got to see his family in Wendover on Christmas Eve. Uncle Greg made the BEST Christmas Eve dinner ever...prime rib, crab legs, stuffed mushrooms...need I say more? Super delicious & to top it off, we got to Skype with Grandma Shirley :)

(yes, we were photo bombed...check out our intruder between Calin & I)

We went to Temple Square Saturday & spent Christmas with my family and got to spend a relaxing day at home. The next day however, was quite unexpected.

Calin & I went to my scheduled Dr appointment and during our visit, we found out that Baby Dean had flipped on us. He was breeched. So, I was given my options:
1~ hope that he flips back (hardly ever happens this late in the game)
2~ schedule a C-Section for 39 weeks
3~ schedule an External Cephalic Version (50% success rate)

I chose number 3. During an ECV, they try to flip the baby back to a head down position from the outside. This would involve an IV and pain meds--an outpatient procedure.

December 27th we arrived at the hospital at 9:45 where I was promptly put into a gown that didn't quite cover my bum & an IV in my hand. While waiting for my 11:30 procedure, I watched Tangled and even caught a few zzzz's (the hospital bed was surprisingly quite comfy!)

Right on time, my wonderful doctor, Dr. Sok came in to do an ultrasound. Dean was still head down but his limbs were mostly tucked into his body-a very good sign. Dr. Sok had already attempted an ECV on one gal earleir that morning and it didn't work so, I was praying I would be the other 50% of the statistic success rate.

I had two doctors on my tummy and a nurse holding my hand. I started with no meds hoping I could withstand the pain but only a minute into the procedure I changed my mind.

I never looked to see how they were maneuvering Turtle but Calin got a front row view. He said that both doctors had their feet firmly planted on the floor and were using their entire bodies to push and pull my little man into a head down position. All I could see were tears. Not wanting to stop the process, I tried to breathe through the pain but I had to ask for a couple of short breaks.

Within 15 minutes, they had moved Dean back down into a head-down position-phewf. I was crying because of all the pain & relief that it worked.

Now, all we have to do is make sure he stays down there. All I have to go off of is old wive's tales because there is no medical solution to keep him in the right position. So, from now on, I'll be sitting on my exercise ball, doing the cat-cow yoga position 10 minutes a day and playing music on my belly where his head should be.